Book Review: The Perfect Passion Company by Alexander McCall Smith
This book is so bad it gave me cancer!
The Perfect Passion Company by Alexander McCall Smith. Narrated by Amy Alexander. Recorded Books, Inc., 2024. 12 hours (approx.).
Alexander McCall Smith is an award-winning author whose books have been translated into 46 languages and have become best sellers all over the world. This substantiates my long-held opinion that most of mankind are cultural coprophils.
The Perfect Passion Company is a novel written in three installments: Cook for Me, A Laborer in the Vineyard of Love and The Girl from Melbourne; the book here reviewed includes all three parts. This is an important detail to know because it explains why the book feels disjointed and lacking an overarching plot. The protagonists, Katie Donald and William Kidd, act merely as a throughline connecting stories that are about other characters. That’s why there is so little tension between Kaite and William until late in the third part when Will’s fiancé, Alice, shows up; the novel is not about Katie or William. At least not really. The novel is about the three clients who come to the titular dating service.
The Perfect Passion Company is a dating service that offers an alternative to online hookup sites; it offers a personal touch. In Cook for Me, a former pilot wants to find a wife who’ll cook but finds his own passion for the culinary arts. In A Laborer in the Vineyard of Love a hotelier needs his overbearing mother to give him space. The final part is about a talkative woman who is matched with an older man that’s hard of hearing.
This book is a fantasy. There is nothing wrong with fantasy. I hold Tolkien in high esteem and cherish the works of Clark Ashton Smith - two of the greatest fantasy writers ever. Still, the reader needs to be willing to suspend his disbelief. McCall Smith doesn’t invite the reader to be so willing, but instead pushes the reader out of belief with a series of coincidences.
Take as an example David, the former airline pilot. Recall he wants a woman who’ll cook. So, William brings him to a cooking class. Fine so far. Then it’s revealed the instructor happens to be single and ready to mingle. That she isn’t happily married is fine; few of us are. But the coincidence here is just too perfect. Moreover, the two hit it off immediately. No reservations. No drama. The relationship progresses with barely a bump. Sure, there was a moment of tension when the cooking instructor, Julia, confessed she doesn't like cooking (a version of the house-painter’s house is never painted), but that is easily remedied by David's convenient revelation that he now loves cooking. Good for him, his character arc came around just at the right time.
McCall Smith takes the “perfect” in the title of his book way too literally. Everything works out great for everybody. Except for Robert McCloud who is “utterly decent, utterly respectable and utterly uninspiring.” McCall Smith writes that Robert, and the hundreds of men like him will always (“probably”) lack romance. He goes on to ask why women don’t encourage these,
…uninspiring men who would never excite anybody but who would be completely trustworthy, who would pay the mortgage, help with the household tasks and be largely unobtrusive.
What an opportunity the author has set up for himself! It’s an interesting topic; a great question. It has boggled the minds of men everywhere. Why don’t women like good men? I certainly would like an answer to that. But, alas, McCall Smith dumps Robert like a discount prostitute. No match for him. Sorry, Robert, you’re just too boring. Who wants the mortgage paid anyway? It’s much more exciting to date the “I-can-fix-him” guy, right ladies? And I have always said trust is overrated in relationships.
Katie and William have a small drama of their own that plays out primarily late in the third part. Katie becomes attracted to William, but she must remain platonic due to Will’s engagement to Alice. Alice arrives in Edinburgh from Melbourne, and the two women immediately don’t get along. It’s then revealed that Alice is only with William for his money, and that she has a side piece. This is well and good as far as plot and conflict go, but William is depicted as a spineless cuck.
Cuck is not a word I like to use, but here it’s literally true. More importantly, after learning of the situation William still offers Alice his money. Katie remarks how generous this is. No, Kaite, it’s not generous. He is allowing himself to be taken advantage of by a sociopath. Alice is a sociopath as far as I can tell; McCall Smith offers no nuance in her characterization.
William is, nevertheless, adored by women. Who wouldn’t want to cheat on their weak-willed boyfriend yet still cash his sugar-daddy checks? William is also exceedingly good looking - a fact that McCall Smith goes out of his way to make sure we know. Well, I suppose that’s something positive about his character.
The Perfect Passion Company is infuriating, patronizing, unrealistic and unbelievably bad. In other words, perfect for all the coprophils out there.
