Preface
This article was originally written in 2008. I was in college. I post it here because I think it’s funny, well written and timely. I edited it and made some changes including changing the names of people and removing the names of publications.
What day is it?
Today [i.e., February 14] is a holiday. It comes around every time this year. No, I don’t mean Valentine’s Day but a more obscure holiday. Today is Single’s Awareness Day.
It is called Single’s Awareness Day because all over America single men and women become especially aware they are single. There is a lot of pressure on people to have dates and express their feelings with expensive or, in some cases, cheesy gifts. For singles, not having a significant-other in their life can be a source of grief this time of year.
The press doesn’t help. On Feb. 7 [2008] the independent student newspaper of the local university released its Valentine’s Day special tabloid edition that included an article about said grief. The student counseling center’s solution surprised me:
Although romantic love is celebrated on this day, it’s one of the many types of love that gives meaning to people’s lives … Think about someone you feel close to, like a friend, parent, sibling or child. Make a cute card or give them a call to remind them how much you care.
On this “emotionally charged festival” that may promote “deliberate self-harm” according to the British Medical Journal, singles are expected to combat depression by celebrating with their mothers? That is the opposite of helpful. I know something about Single’s Awareness Day depression; for years I watched like a benched basketball player while my friends showed off their mass romance skills.
The absence of romantic love is what drives singles to depression. There is no substitute for it, as the monolithic and nameless “staff” of the counseling center suggest.
It’s not like singles don’t try, either. A high school classmate of mine, John, asked Kate out on Single’s Day of 2002. She said yes but stood him up. Well, that’s ok, little Johnny, give those chocolates to your younger brother. Feel better?
I once asked a crush of mine what her favorite color was about three weeks before Single’s Day of 2003. “Midnight blue,” she had said. That night I ordered a dozen white roses from a local florist. They were tipped – a process in which the top of each blossom is gently colored – in midnight blue. I sent them to her high school where the crush in question received them. She was not impressed.
Single. It’s a hard life.
But it’s not all bad. Celebrators of Valentine’s Day are forced to spend money they might not have.
“Free dinner. That’s the first thing that comes to mind when it comes to Valentine’s Day,” writes Amy in an editorial piece for the student newspaper. “Now I’m not a gold-digger. I don’t need a fancy-schmancy restaurant … Freshmen year I received a Big Mac with a candle in it for Valentine’s Day, and I was completely satisfied.”
Sure, Amy. Whatever you say.
You could get an inexpensive box of chocolates. Oh, Boy! Nothing says, “I love you,” like a box of crappy mystery chocolates. Hope I don’t get the one filled with toothpaste.
Ok, so you don’t have to spend a lot of money. But you have to spend some money. In truth, the holiday has gone to the corporations. It has been commercialized. Indeed, Valentine’s Day is either a chance to express your love, or it’s Christmas part two.
Then there is this: in her piece, Amy continues, “And let’s not forget there is one thing that can make or break your Valentine’s Day, and it’s almost completely free. Sex.”
Pressure to have sex is year-round and nobody knows that more than the singles that are not getting any. In February, however, it’s rubbed in our faces. The student newspaper also featured a story titled, “Sexy Valentine gifts.”
Meanwhile, a local tabloid blazed this on its front page: “Love and sex survey: readers spill their guts…and other bodily fluids.” It is hard to control the libido when the media are calling to mind images of semen and vaginal secretions.
But sex is not completely free, either. There is protection to consider weather condoms, pills or diaphragms. There are bedroom accessories like flavored body paints that sell for $6.99 at Pure Romance. The Couple’s Paradise sex book costs $45. There are a variety of other items with even higher prices.
In conclusion, Single’s Awareness Day is a rough time for its involuntary celebrators. We are reminded of how alone we really are while the libido rattles its cage. On the other hand, we save money that can be used to buy special treats for ourselves. Next year I’m ordering me a Russian bride.